I'mtoocaughtupwithtryingtothinkofawitty/humorousblognamesoidecidedtosettlewiththis

Turning

2011-12-15T10:36:00.000-08:00

I've made my decision. I can't change my luck, or my circumstances, but I refuse to stand and wait for change to happen. This is not a resignation, it is a resolution to a situation that demanded so much of me. I admit, I've become half of everything I tried not to be. I'm different. Changed. Not sure I'm happy with this change, but to the very least, I am satisfied. I am not happy with where this is leading, but that's the thing; I'm not unhappy either.

For the first time in a long time, I am finally free from my personal standards- standards I've set so high only to be disappointed when people do not meet them. I'm not ashamed to admit my arrogance, something I've fed in my pursuit of perfection. A standard and pride that has pushed people away from knowing the real me.

Every single time I'd built myself up to fit my little idealism, a little part of me dies, decays. I don't even know me anymore. How dare I even say to you that you don't even know me.

But I've found consolation in my reflection. Freedom. Freedom from self pressure. Pressure to perform. Pressure to do so well. Pressure to perfection no one demanded. I, am wrong. But now, I going to be whomever I enjoy being. This may disappoint you, and I am sorry if you had high hopes for me. I apologize if I wasn't everything you thought I would become. But it's time I started living life for my own. There's no more reason to put certain people into the equation anymore. It was a waste of effort, time, self-worth. Dignity.

This is not an excuse. I still have my values and morals, things I will hold in my heart no matter how much I change. But in all this, I am truly ever sorry that my actions never quite reflected my intentions. Again, my wrong-doing, a result of my silence and unwillingness to share why I do the things I do.

To you, the person I have disappointed and hurt through my efforts in trying to make you proud.

Behind this screen

2011-04-23T07:48:00.000-07:00

I think the worse thing that befalls any man is his deliberate decision to ignore greatness, not ignorance.

Frankly, I don't see the point in being a nice guy anymore. But in my resignation, I can't help but excogitate on whether I ever was 'a nice guy'. Who's to say but myself? In my highly-probable conceited mind, the basis on which my credibility as a nice guy would be measured to is a standard. A standard I have conjured; and we all know that's not exactly the highest authority on the matter.

What am I even saying. Look at me here, trying to sound sophisticated and smart on a simple blog post that only I read. Who am I fooling. Is my subconscience secretly wishing I would hit an epiphany through pointless, expressive prose? A sudden realization and/or inspiration that will motivate me to start pursuing greatness again? What is greatness? Having an abundant life? Is this not the reason why Christ suffered for my afflictions?

..... Then why doesn't life feel abundant anymore? Could this mean my endeavors in achieving greatness has been entirely rhetorical? Could it simply just mean that my idea of greatness was flawed?

could it be I just needed someone to see right through my actions.

I know there is more to this, more to deliberately giving up on doing the right thing.

I just need to know eternity isn't a century away.

Stranger

2011-04-17T08:06:00.000-07:00

dear stranger in my chatbox, Gwen. It's nice to know that there is at least someone out there who's willing to tell me all those things without knowing me. Maybe you do; but either way, thank you for what you said. Miles away, from wherever you are, you're the only person who has bothered enough to say something of worth.

I sincerely hope you've found a resolution in my desolation.

regards, the guy who has a shared misery. :)

It's Christmas

2010-12-24T09:30:00.000-08:00

I won't lie to you. It's Christmas but I feel even worse than before.

I sit here contemplating whether not I should even continue writing this blog post. I don't want to, but yet I do too. All these thoughts and feelings are slowly getting the better of me, and I just... want it all to go away; I am childishly hoping these thoughts are going to leave me and stay with this post. Ignorance is bliss. I don't even know what I am going on about. Where to start? How to begin? There's no definite way to roll this ball of thoughts that are bringing me to my wits end.

I guess I'll just start with how I'm feeling lately- how this might have all began.

Recently, I have found myself feeling apathetic, indifferent, to almost everything that goes on around me. I would dislike very much to say that I'm depressed, emo even; but, that's not how I truly feel. There's this apathetic disposition I have toward anything- love, comedy, jobs, studies, friendships, people..... family.

Why?

I. Don't. Know. And it's killing me. I know my passion, I know what I wanna do, I know what I want to learn, I know how to handle these problems, I know I am capable of holding myself together, I know I can do this. But...

shit.

I just can't 'feel' it anymore. Can I even say 'anymore'? Maybe I have never even felt it; All this while, just listening to what is logical, what makes sense, seemed like the perfect thing for me. It helped me make mature decisions, secure my future for good, refined my independence, my self-reliance...

....My ability to keep my emotions in check.

Have I been abused? Emotionally? Physically? Mentally?

No. Ever since I was old enough to make sense of what was going on around me, I had purposed myself to be perfect in anyway. I didn't want to have any weaknesses, any reason for people to look down on me. I would be the best. Study the best, talk the best, and look the best just so I was sure I wouldn't be another burden to the family. If I did everything right, my parents wouldn't have to worry about me-about making sure I grew up right, making sure I didn't do anything wrong. Because that was going to be MY contribution to the family, my fulfillment of a family duty.

... and if I distanced myself from them and learn to be so self sufficient, they would have one less obligation to deal with. They would have more time for my brothers.
There was no favoritism; I just saw that I needed to be mature and buckle up so I wouldn't be another significant issue that would add to their already-full-hands.

I began to see emotions and problems as weaknesses that could be harnessed through much practice. Just minor speed bumps to where I was heading. I feel as if expressing my frustrations and problems to others will just give them the impression that I am incapable solving my problems. It's better to just suck it up like a man and deal with issues. Problems were just refining tools to make me better equipped for bigger problems in the future- to deal with my weaknesses.

Heck, even writing this is so damned difficult. I can't even express myself anymore even if I wanted to. A couple of people have actually even called me emotionally retarded. Can I honestly say that isn't true? I have trouble now conveying how I feel.

I feel like I'm losing myself. I'm changing quickly, falling into a quicksand of emotions. Why write all this now? Why let everyone know my thoughts and feelings, the very things I try hard to conceal from everyone? I don't know. I really wish writing all this will make my apathy just go away so I can return to that problemless, passionate, lively person I was.

I CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING. What is depression? Sadness? I can't even friggin' cry anymore. I don't have a lot of friends. Heck, I eat lunch alone everyday after school for Christ's sake. I try to be vulnerable, open, to people but I just can't even if I wanted to.

I'm just trying to be macho and perfect all the time because I always feel as if I'm not good enough, I'm not doing a good job, I'm not doing something right.
I even feel like I'm not even good enough to be your friend sometimes. How can I help you go through your hardships if I can't even handle my own shit?

I always give up liking a girl because I always think I won't be good enough for her. I don't even think I'm good enough for myself. She deserves someone better.

I really did not want to post this, but for once, I'm telling my mind to shut the hell up. If closure is what I need with myself, then here it is. I have so much more to say but I realize I can't pen down 17-years worth of emotions and feelings I have never conveyed on a simple blog post.

"Mind over matter"

screw this apathy.

Phones

2010-08-30T05:35:00.000-07:00

Were invented to replace a tedious and ridiculous system of communication- namely, letters.

AND NOT PICKING UP DEFEATS THE PURPOSE ALTOGETHER, YOU INCONSIDERATE BOOB.

A gentle reminder to all. Please. Pick. Up. Your. Darn. Phone. Calls.

Freak Show

2010-08-29T06:40:00.000-07:00

Am I the only freak show out there? Everyone should unleash their individual freak-of-nature- it makes us all special and distinguishable.

I'm a victim of conformity. The sad thing is it's not even incidental.

So why are we abiding by a strict social code that demands we sacrifice our individuality for general acceptance? I say, pick your nose in public, sing 'You Sexy Thing' to your Grandma, wear your shirt inside-out, blanko Waldo in every page of the book Where's Waldo Now? in a library, enjoy watching people scream in frustration as they try to find a defaced Waldo on every page, and write terrible poetry about heartaches.

Ready to be yourself?

READY, SET, PICK YOUR NOSE!

"There really is only ONE way to see if Spider-Man's excited."

-thinkaboutit.com

Hard Drives

2010-08-06T10:21:00.000-07:00

	how's KICK ASS
5/17/2010		9:01:21 PM	Danielle	Adriel	it's not swollen anymore?
5/17/2010		9:01:25 PM	Danielle	Adriel	haha, kick ass was good!
5/17/2010		9:01:49 PM	Danielle	Adriel	the little girl was awesome
5/17/2010		9:01:53 PM	Danielle	Adriel	and then she scared me
5/17/2010		9:01:55 PM	Danielle	Adriel	then she was awesome
5/17/2010		9:02:44 PM	Adriel	Danielle	haha
5/17/2010		9:02:47 PM	Adriel	Danielle	RIGHT
5/17/2010		9:02:51 PM	Adriel	Danielle	I have her picture on my blog
5/17/2010		9:02:57 PM	Adriel	Danielle	but she said the f word so many times
5/17/2010		9:03:08 PM	Adriel	Danielle	during her fight scenes
5/17/2010		9:03:11 PM	Adriel	Danielle	I jizzed in my pants
5/17/2010		9:03:17 PM	Danielle	Adriel	WHAT?!
5/17/2010		9:03:27 PM	Adriel	Danielle	its a figure of speech
5/17/2010		9:03:29 PM	Adriel	Danielle	relax
5/17/2010		9:03:36 PM	Adriel	Danielle	I wouldn't share that with you if it were true
5/17/2010		9:04:09 PM	Danielle	Adriel	i was like.. huh.
5/17/2010		9:04:12 PM	Danielle	Adriel	how old is she?
5/17/2010		9:04:21 PM	Danielle	Adriel	when she sweared i was lilke, her parents are okay with this?
5/17/2010		9:04:22 PM	Danielle	Adriel	hahaha
5/17/2010		9:04:26 PM	Adriel	Danielle	hahah
5/17/2010		9:04:34 PM	Adriel	Danielle	yeah
5/17/2010		9:04:36 PM	Adriel	Danielle	11
5/17/2010		9:04:47 PM	Danielle	Adriel	hahaha
5/17/2010		9:04:49 PM	Danielle	Adriel	i'll google her.
5/17/2010		9:05:07 PM	Danielle	Adriel	oh we also watched the hangover
5/17/2010		9:05:15 PM	Danielle	Adriel	cos it was in your hard drive thingo
5/17/2010		9:05:17 PM	Danielle	Adriel	or harddick
5/17/2010		9:05:18 PM	Danielle	Adriel	SHIT
5/17/2010		9:05:18 PM	Danielle	Adriel	HAHAHAHAHAHA
5/17/2010		9:05:20 PM	Danielle	Adriel	HARD DISC
5/17/2010		9:05:25 PM	Danielle	Adriel	HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
5/17/2010		9:05:46 PM	Danielle	Adriel	hahahahahahhahhaa
5/17/2010		9:05:51 PM	Danielle	Adriel	:$
5/17/2010		9:07:07 PM	Adriel	Danielle	HAHAHAHAH
5/17/2010		9:07:16 PM	Adriel	Danielle	HARDICK
5/17/2010		9:07:23 PM	Danielle	Adriel	hahahahahhaah
5/17/2010		9:07:27 PM	Danielle	Adriel	i was literally laughing out loud
5/17/2010		9:07:29 PM	Danielle	Adriel	so embarrassing
5/17/2010		9:07:31 PM	Danielle	Adriel	sorry about that
5/17/2010		9:07:33 PM	Danielle	Adriel	hahahaha
5/17/2010		9:07:37 PM	Adriel	Danielle	my saliva dropped out
5/17/2010		9:07:39 PM	Adriel	Danielle	of my mouth
5/17/2010		9:07:41 PM	Adriel	Danielle	I laughed too hard
5/17/2010		9:07:52 PM	Adriel	Danielle	I was watching rusell peters
5/17/2010		9:07:56 PM	Adriel	Danielle	then I clicked your chat box.
5/17/2010		9:08:09 PM	Adriel	Danielle	"and then I watched hangover coz it was on your hard dick"
5/17/2010		9:08:11 PM	Adriel	Danielle	WHAT!
5/17/2010		9:08:33 PM	Danielle	Adriel	HAHAHAHA
5/17/2010		9:08:44 PM	Danielle	Adriel	i have tears in my eyes from laughing too much
5/17/2010		9:08:48 PM	Adriel	Danielle	ohohoho
5/17/2010		9:08:52 PM	Danielle	Adriel	i don't even know how i typed dick instead of disc
5/17/2010		9:09:04 PM	Adriel	Danielle	subconscience WOR
5/17/2010		9:09:09 PM	Adriel	Danielle	you prolly say it all the time!
5/17/2010		9:09:10 PM	Adriel	Danielle	THATS WHY
5/17/2010		9:09:32 PM	Danielle	Adriel	HARD DICK?
5/17/2010		9:09:37 PM	Danielle	Adriel	hahahaha
5/17/2010		9:09:51 PM	Danielle	Adriel	aiyoh so funnnnyyyyyyyy
5/17/2010		9:10:42 PM	Adriel	Danielle	its not so bad you said hard dick
5/17/2010		9:10:51 PM	Adriel	Danielle	but you said you watched hangover because it was on YOUR HARD DICK
5/17/2010		9:11:03 PM	Danielle	Adriel	hahahhhaahhahahaha
5/17/2010		9:11:03 PM	Adriel	Danielle	seriously nielle!
5/17/2010		9:11:16 PM	Adriel	Danielle	no one has ever said that to me before
5/17/2010		9:11:28 PM	Adriel	Danielle	ESPECIALLY NOT A GIRL LA YOU KNOW
5/17/2010		9:11:32 PM	Adriel	Danielle	...... WHAT
5/17/2010		9:11:39 PM	Adriel	Danielle	gonna tell your sister
5/17/2010		9:11:43 PM	Adriel	Danielle	i post this on my blog.
5/17/2010		9:12:34 PM	Danielle	Adriel	hahahahahahaha
5/17/2010		9:12:47 PM	Danielle	Adriel	IT WAS AN ACCIIIDEEEEENTTTTT

Vlog

2010-07-29T08:52:00.000-07:00

Maybe I should start one. Maybe not. Hmm. The uncertainties in life.

Why are you people spamming my blog with your countless links. My blog is not dead yet. I don't make brief statements on my blog. Is this a redundancy? Well, is THIS? Which would be the most redundant statement if I were to talk about redundancies? Was Cobb still in his dream or did he finally get to see his children in reality? If you are a projection in my dream, would I know what the projection you is dreaming about if you did have a dream in my dream? Do I sound like I am on the brink of insanity? Would I know what insanity truly is? Did you spot any grammatical mistakes in the preceding subjunctive statements? Does using, the comma, profusely, in a sentence, like this, considered bending the rules of society, if society's rules demand that you use, the comma, in a structured way? Am I a rebel for doing so if I consciously bend these grammatical rules? Is there a point to my nonsensical post? If the both of us lack a significant other are we a celibate couple? Was that a paradox? Was the term 'Pandora's Box' coined from the word paradox, or vice versa? Cactuses or Cacti?

Now, can you truly say you can love me for who I am?

"Did you know that more than 1 billion people are dying from starvation while you are eating your tutti frutti?"

-How's that for an awareness campaign slogan.

Procrastination

2010-07-12T08:15:00.000-07:00

..as portrayed, very creatively, through the regularity of my updates.

Now go and tell your mommies and daddies the life lesson you've learned on this blog.

I'm so tired of quoting great men. Someone needs to quote the nonsensical. So, here's mine.

"When in doubt....... Rave party."

- Yes, Juin. This constitutes as a blog post.

Happy belated birthday wishes are in order

2010-06-29T04:49:00.001-07:00

A lil' something them TT'z did for my 17th birthday

"Happy Birthday to the grooouund"

- Lost Lonely Island

Stop

2010-06-02T09:05:00.000-07:00

Stop posting punch-lines, one-liners, quotes, and a one sentence summaries of your day on your blogs; leave those for your twitter and Facebook shoutouts.

Most importantly, beloved reader, take note that posting ONE DSLR picture followed by any of the preceding short posts does not constitute as a blog post.

...... What? You've never seen a hypocrite before?

Iron Man 2

2010-05-07T06:06:00.001-07:00

So there really isn't anyone free to hang with me these days, and since I haven't had the time to watch Iron Man 2, I'm just going to watch it tomorrow by myself then.

Yes, I meant it in all seriousness.

but feel free to spontaneously or coincidentally drop by just in time for me to get an extra ticket for you. :)

Because

2010-05-03T05:34:00.000-07:00

The world needs more chick bassists.

True Fact.

"Isn't it nice when your good fortune makes others miserable?"

-Leslie Winkle, Big Bang Theory

Females.

2010-04-23T20:22:00.000-07:00

I wish all the girls in the world were equally outstanding, dashing, debonair, charming, beautiful, striking, and really really hot.....

......that way, the only thing that could attract me would be their personalities. Not that I don't take a fair interest in uber cool chicks, it's just that the not-so-nice-but-really-hot-girls influences me to compromise my moral principles in relation to whom I shall pay more attention to impressing.

To the Ladies:

Girls, it's true that I am attracted to your physical appearances. I do not shun your efforts or attempts at doing your best to look pretty, or in my case really really hot, but do note that all is vanity if you don't having something deeper to show for it. So pick up a guitar, develop a sense of humor, obtain a Billy Talent CD, pick up good conversational skills, have a general interest in making society a better place, write some rock songs, get a skateboard, go hiking or rock climbing, or just cook/bake/make something for me to eat. Why? Because I lose interest if all you're ever going to do is take 5000 pictures of yourself in various poses or haircuts, and talk about how the notebook was such an ammmaaazing movie.

So please, for both our sakes, stop placing too much emphasis on your sex appeal. You can be so much more than just being hot if you would just pick up the guitar or hold an interesting, thought-provoking, and stimulating conversation with someone.

then again, this doesn't mean I want all the ladies to neglect the importance of outer-beauty either. ;)

"I'm interested in full time ministry and not only that... I also play the guitar."

-Christian pick up lines

A Gumdrop?

2010-04-01T06:39:00.000-07:00

You've seen him on TV, at some parties, on stickers, at ~~all~~ McDonald outlets, on advertisements, and at one point, as a toy. Like most franchises, McDonald's have found the perfect marketing icon that has been drawing 30% of their customers (according to some research) ever since the 70's. I've seen some questionable icons in my lifetime but this one really takes the cake.

There's Ronald, the infamous creepy clown that kills little children that we all know. Most of us just have to overlook his striking resemblance to Stephen King's IT and all the evil you feel when you're thinking of his smile at night, and he's not all that bad. He's a clown, an acceptable fast-food icon.

It's the happy, cute, jolly early bird. What else do you need to know?

The burgerlar. His obsession with burgers have caused people to mistake him for a criminal. I've kinda liked the burgerlar. You've probably seen him together with Ronald and early bird in pictures while you were playing in a McDonald's playground.

and then there's.....

Grimace.

????

What the heck is Grimace?!

Looking for cute boy

2010-01-18T05:52:00.000-08:00

Hello ladies. It is in my endeavors to awesomness that I, out of the goodness of my heart, find myself looking out for the well-being of you decent girls. It has come to my attention (as well as everyone else's) that the recent fad/media aims to appeal to female youths and their desire for the perfect ~~alpha~~ male. Be it a 109 year-old vegan pedophiliac vampire who sparkles under the sun, or that fresh American Idol winner with that amaaaazing voice, one can see that the average teenage girl is, in fact, looking for an ideal mate. One which they can share their thoughts, sensitivity, feelings, emotions, love and eventual frustration with.

If you'd read on, you'd find that the rest of my post is self-explanatory as to why I'm updating my blog.

Meet Rj Wong

Single, 17, and

Chinese with a bit of Jewish ethnicity

Rj plays the drums for a post-hardcore band and loves Jesus with all his heart.

Introverted, well-mannered, loving, and cherishes life-long friendships over social buddies.

Rj will be your friend and more, provided you don't steal his jar of cookies and call him 'stoopid'-that will just send him into a ballistic raging fit.

"Don't call Rj dumb dumb! I crush you nau litttle man!"

Clearly, you won't want that to happen.

Rj finds his passion in music, drums, poems, art, and long sentimental talks at nights.

sensitive, expressive, and believes in true love. He does not make friends easily but counts each one a blessing in his life. As Rj is sensitive to others in nature, this makes him naturally inclined in putting your best interests ahead of his. Rj often expresses his thoughts and feelings through his poems/lyrics and music. Emotional by nature, Rj tends to take care of friends like a 'protective big brother'.

Rj is your big, gentle, and friendly teddy bear that loves cuddling. Though he may not be one for risks, extreme sports, and any spontaneous activity, Rj is more than willing to do it if it makes you happy. He loves long sentimental walks by the beach, and staying up all night talking to you about life.

interested? check out his facebook page, or for further enquiry leave a comment in the cbox.

Happy Birthday Rj. :)

"You have to lower my IQ by 6 before you can even call me 'smart'"

-Sheldon, Big Bang Theory